and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
