I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
