I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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