dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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