Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
