This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
