you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
