I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
