Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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