How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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