wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
