I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
