I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
