Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
