I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
