forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
