i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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