cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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