we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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