i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
