I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I supernannyed him into submission
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
