I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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