Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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