I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
