if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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