i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
