we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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