When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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