Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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