They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
