Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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