tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
