Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I will pee on everything he values.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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