and she was petting her beer can
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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