One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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