just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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