And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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