take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
