what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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