I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize