if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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