i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
