we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
