My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
