She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
