apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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