now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
