We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
