She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
