walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
