I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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