Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
