Whod you bang
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
