I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
