you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
