I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I understand Curling. That high.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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