Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
