Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
