Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
