I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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