In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
