So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
