I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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